I stole that from 'Lady Lazarus' by Sylvia Plath.

Anyways.

I don't think some boys realize something crucial.  You can't miss them if they're always there. 
They want you to want them.  They need you to need them.  (I'm just stealing everything today)
But, if they're constantly following you and talking to you and texting you and calling you and begging to see you, it gets a bit obnoxious and you want to run in the opposite direction.

They need to give you time to miss them.  So far, I'm only missing one and I hope he knows it.  I'll tell him this weekend.  If I see him this weekend, becuase guess what?  It's not a must that I see him every weekened when I go home.  It's a treat, it's special, it's the way it should be.

Every boy that has to see me constantly.. I can't be mean to them.  They're so vulnerable and I pity them.  This gets me into trouble though.  I have another boy thinking that I'm going to be his and he couldn't be further from the truth.  I already have somebody, and while he's not my boyfriend, I would like to think that other people can accept that.

This new boy can't.

He told me that the guy where I live would never find out.  It would be just between him and me.  Bullshit.  I wanted to crush him for that.  Make him feel how hateful his words are, but I didn't.  Now it will just be worse since I told him we could hang out but that I'm interested in someone else.  He'll get attatched to me, I know he will.

Just another boy.. to go along with the others.. to realize I don't care about them.

I want him to hold me for an hour, thirty minutes, five minutes.  So I can look up at him and think of him as mine for just that short time.  I won't want to let go of him, I didn't want to let go of him the first time, but I'll do what needs to be done.  If it hurts, it hurts.  I'll get over it.

My friend who has always been the same; a person who doesn't let life get her down and will always put things in perspective for you.  Her mother was overbearing, her father killed himself, she did drugs, she dated guys she didn't like: none of these things bothered her or changed her.  Now, love has twisted her and broken her.  Now, love has left her and she's trying to feel that void.  She acts the same in front of people, but there's something dark now, brooding underneath her exterior. 
And I'm not strong enough to help her. 

A kid from one of my classes asked me to to help him study.  I skipped my PE class because he bribed me with free food.  He called me 'Boo'  What the fucking hell?  And... I'm done with that, haha.